The Modeling Contest
by Lumberry
Summary: Adding to the theory of the apocalypse, Tsunade has nominated Sakura for a modeling contest. Told in text messages, emails, and letters.xSasuSakux
1. Dyed Hair

_Modeling...Contest?_

_Repetition? Yes, I think so._

_Modeling. Contest._

_...(Oh God, I need to sit down.)_

_-_

_--_

_---_

**_Chapter One_**

**.:Dyed Hair:.**

**---**

**--**

**-**

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**(Sent Tuesday, 5:08 PM)**

**From**: HarHarHaruno

**To**: InoGoddess

**Subject**: I'm so effing DEAD

--

WHAT have I gotten myself into again, should I ask you?

Life sucks.

I have no idea what I'm doing. Help!! Okay. (Calm down, Sakura).

...Not that you _would_ help me at my immediate time of need. SSSSOOOOS. I'm hitting rock bottom tomorrow, I just know it.

Part of me is still doubtful, dubious. You know, I can't believe I was picked. Out of our tiny city that's just the tip of Konoha Country...it's so not TRUE. I mean, you were too. But me?

Ino, don't get any mean comments or remarks for me. I'm not perfect but neither are you!

P.S: Suck on that, Pig!

--

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**(Sent Tuesday, 8:23 PM)**

**From**: LaDyJackpot

**To**: Masks

**Subject**: Sakura Haruno

//Kakashi, why in the world did you nominate Sakura Haruno?

_-Mayor of North Konoha_

Tsunade

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**(Sent Tuesday, 8:43 PM)**

**From**: Masks

**To**: LaDyJackpot

**Subject**: Because she has pink hair

Don't try that tone on me...you know perfectly why. Sakura has been a diligent pupil and is smart and respected by her peers.

She's shown plenty of interests on modeling, believe me. Once she had the nerve to read a magazine while I was standing right in front of her teaching.

P.S: Your signature is a bit outdated. Of course you're the Mayor of North Konoha. Everyone knows by now.

MY siggy is way better, to the least.

_-I have no intentions of telling you my likes and dislikes. As for my dream... I have few hobbies. -  
_

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**(Sent Tuesday, 9:05 PM)**

**From**: LaDyJackpot

**To**: Masks

**Subject**: Are you sure that her hair isn't dyed?

//Don't try THAT tone on ME. Sakura, sure, has the incentive, but does she truly have the ability? Believe me, we needed to choose wisely! (And now, thanks to you, we're too late.)

This, Kakashi, is a contest of the _whole Konoha country_. We're only the eetle beetle north tip of tip. There's got to be at least ten other cities participating.

Do I need to remind you that I'm relieved to have found Ino Yamanaka? Of course Sakura Haruno has the interest, but Ino actually has the, let's see, um..._puberty changes._

(How's that for suggestive? Please don't go there.)

_-Awesomest Person in Konoha_

Tsunade

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**(Sent Tuesday, 9:09 PM)**

**From**: Masks

**To**: LaDyJackpot

**Subject**: I for one have no idea. I'm not a stalker...

I might have to repeat this as the contest draws closer: Whatever.

What you say, Mayor Tsunade, it is not relevant...

blah bla blahhh.

She's chosen. Now let's just sit back and enjoy the show. Remember that I'll be one of the judges for the contest? This will be intensely interesting!

P.S: May I notify you that Maito Gai, from East Konoha, is judging as well?

_-I have no intentions of telling you my likes and dislikes. As for my dream... I have few hobbies. -_

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**(Sent Tuesday, 11:29 PM)**

**From**: LaDyJackpot

**To**: Masks

**Subject:** Are you sure?

//Fine.

Don't bother me anymore.

_-Irritated Mayor_

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**(Sent Wednesday, 7:23 AM)**

**From**: TimorousLavender

**To**: HarHarHaruno, InoGoddess

**Subject:** Good luck!

::::::Guys, good luck! I heard that competition will be hard. Please try your best!

::::::Hope you win,

::::::Hinata

"The air was fragrant with a thousand trodden aromatic herbs, with fields of lavender, and with the brightest roses blushing in tufts all over the meadows. . . ." 

-William Cullen Bryant

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**(Sent Wednesday, 10:43 AM)**

**From**: InoGoddess

**To**: HarHarHaruno

**Subject**: texting in class is so easy!

Hey, Forehead! I'm coming up and I'm gonna win! Get the freaking thing started already! Three more days to go!

No, seriously, I know _all_ about modeling. Currently on Atkin's Diet. Works like a charm. I can't freaking wait for Saturday! Heck yah!

Isn't the modeling contest for girls AND boys? I mean aren't the contests separated with two awards? Or whatnot?

Fine; by the way, I wish you luck. -Goes cheerleader- Go, Sakura! Go, Sakura, go!

P.S: Yeah. You go, girl and don't come back. SUCK on THAT!

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**(Sent Wednesday, 3:43 PM)**

**From**: HarHarHaruno

**To**: TimorousLavender

**Subject:** Gracias, mi amiga

Hey, Hina! Thanx for the support! Ino's being all beyotchy as always so I need all the support I can get. No, really. I don't know why I'm being all nervous.

It's just that our town is so SMALL compared to the others. The modeling contest is all of the whole countries of Konoha and Suna and a few others! It's huge! Compared to others, I'm a simple, small-town girl. I can't do modeling. I have no idea why I was picked.

Do you know who else is going?

P.S: Come with us! I heard that Kakashi's gonna be a judge. Lol!

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**(Sent Wednesday, 3:57 PM)**

**From**: HarHarHaruno

**To**: InoGoddess

**Subject:** Snobby you...

Btw, what's with your whole high and mighty act? Someties, you're just so...ARGH. If only you were more like Hinata! Super nice (maybe TOO much sometimes, but never mind on that.)

I mean, with the whole dying-hair-blond and the underwear-in-Spanish-is-ropa interior- phase, you've really changed. FYI also, you don't need a diet! Kids at school will call you anorexic. Your problem.

Speaking of school that new kid with the black hair - is it just me, or is he super duper emo looking? Not to mention hot. But more about that later.

I hate Wednesdays. Today I knocked over a pile of books and smashed the tiny china doll thing. Also I had a trail of toilet paper stuck to the bottom of my shoe. What's the justice of THAT?

-Plus, someone asked me if my hair was dyed.

I socked him in the jaw.

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**(Sent Wednesday, 4:53 PM)**

**From**: InoGoddess

**To**: HarHarHaruno

**Subject:** And the pot calls the kettle black

Wow, Sakura. TOUCHY much? Your pink hair DOES look dyed. I'm sorry. But hey, your mom has BLACK hair.

You dad has PURPLE hair.

How the hell did they get pink?!?!

Also...

DO NOT EVER CALL MY HAIR DYED AGAIN! It's not _dyed_, it's just...well, _touched up_. You know how, since we're tenth graders and all, that blond hair slowly turns to ugly, mucky mugly brown??

There is NO justice in THAT (either).

So that's why I'm just _touching it up._

I have a weird cough thing going on. It's like, I can't breath for a few moments. I'll dismiss it. NOTHING is getting in the way of my fantabulous modeling!

P.S: I hate Thursdays. On account that I got soaked by the water sprinkler. When it was closed.

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**(Sent Wednesday, 9:13 PM)**

**From**: Tomten

**To**: YouthfulPerpetually

**Subject: **(_no subject)_

hey, lee. please don't tell me you got picked for the modeling contest?

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**(Sent Friday, 10:43 PM)**

**From**: HarHarHaruno

**To**: InoGoddess

**Subject:** I HATE MY LIFE!

--

Oh God. Oh Kami. Oh Hitler.

agh...

I'm gonna puke...

Since when do SCHOOL DAYS pass SO FAST? They're _school days!_ They NEVER pass FAST. In fact, the clock INCHES ALONG. No. Way.

Um, the contest is tomorrow?

INO WHERE ARE YOU I NEED MORAL SUPPORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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**(Sent Saturday, 5:45 AM)**

**From**: InoGoddess

**To**: HarHarHaruno

**Subject:** (_no subject)_

Sorry I'm sending this on the day of the contest. Sick. Fever 103.4. Feel bad. G2g cant typ straight

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**(Sent Saturday, 9:02 AM)**

**From**: YouthfulPerpetually

**To**: Tomten

**OF COURSE I AM IN THIS DELIGHTFUL CONTEST! CANNOT WAIT TO SEE YOU THERE, TENTEN! I SHALL SEND ALL OF MY GOOD LUCK KISSES!**

-Now, now my bright pupil you must be more **youthful** than that! **- Maito Gai**

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**(Sent Saturday, 9:10 aM)**

**From**: Tomten

**To**: YouthfulPerpetually

**Subject:** Don't. You're giving me a migraine.

please no.

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**How was that? First chapters are always the hardest!! I know I haven't updated in soo long or anything, but I'm coming back from my grave.**

**Also, expect this fanfic to be humorous and action-packed! WAY lighter tone than my previous fics. Fast-paced, teenager angst, packed with yummy romance and, well, angst. Lol.**

**Review, por favor. Cookie.**


	2. 75 Percent Blonde

_Until I die, I will find eternal life._

_Uh, hello, folks, I don't NEED eternal life. Because I'm going to die right here._

_Now._

_(Agh, someone help me! The lights are too bright!)_

_-_

_--_

_---_

**_Chapter Two_**

**.:75 Percent Blonde:.**

**---**

**--**

**-**

**--**

**(Sent Saturday, 10:36 AM)**

**From**: Tomten

**To**: YouthfulPerpetually

**Subject:** hi

hey, lee. i think i just saw you! surprise, surprise, huh? ...by the way, please, please, _please_ say you're not actually wearing the green UGLY SPANDEX _stretchy_ suit to the contest?

please, please?

you'll just embarrass youself!

(admit it; it's a piece of crap! what was it - twenty dollars on sale? i mean, it's GREEN. too bright.)

well good luck anyhow. not that you'd have a chance against some others.

haha. i should lighten up. sry.

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**(Sent Saturday, 10:42 AM)**

**From**: YouthfulPerpetually

**To**: Tomten

**Subject:** Violet is the essence of beauty! The epitome of pulchri-

HI TENTEN! NO! IT IS NOT GREEN, BUT PURPLE!

**--**

**Any change, any loss, does not make us victims. Others can shake you, surprise you, disappoint you, but they can't prevent you from acting, from taking the situation you're presented with and moving on. No matter where you are in life, no matter what your situation, you can always do something. You always have a choice and the choice can be power.**

**- Blaine Lee**

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**(Sent Saturday, 10:48 AM)**

**From**: Tomten

**To**: YouthfulPereptually

**Subject:** hi again

-palm to forehead-

half and hour left to wait, i suppose. i think they're waiting for judges to arrive. girls compete first. then boys. yawn. bored over here; i don't know any of these girls!

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**(Sent Saturday, 11:02 AM)**

**From**: YouthfulPerpetually

**To**: Tomten

**Subject:** Blondeness!

HELLO, TENTEN! THERE IS NOTHING MUCH TO DO HERE EITHER...

I TOOK A QUIZ!

_**Fwd: Re: How Blonde Are You? Take this quiz or a ghost will haunt you forever!**_

(X!) You talk to yourself

(X!) People give you weird looks

(X!) You can lick your elbow

(X!) You just tried; you can't lick your elbow

(X!) You have thrown someone off of a buildling

(X!) You have been thrown off a building

(X!) You are fashion challenged

(X!) You think fashion challenged means enjoying a challenge to picking out clothes

()You have blond hair

()You have a bowl cut

()Bushy brows?

()Bug eyes

(X!) You don't get the quote "I thought a thought. But the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought. If the thought I thought I thought, was the thought I thought I thought I thought, then I wouldn't have thought so much

(X!) You have ran into a tree/bush

(X!) You have accidentally caught something on fire.

(X!) People often walk away from you, shaking their heads

(X!) You are told to use your inside voice

(X!) For the question "There is a one story house that is all blue what color are the stairs?", you got blue

()You just realized that it was a one story house, and therefore, it has no stairs

(X!) You repost bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen to you if you don't.

I HAVE FIFTEEN! SO I SHALL MULTIPLY RAPIDLY. FIFTEEN TIMES FIVE IS...65! NO! I THINK THAT IS WRONG!!

- TAKES OUT CELL PHONE CALCULATOR -

I AM SEVENTY FIVE PERCENT BLONDE!

IT IS A MIRACLE, TENTEN! THERE IS A GOD!

--

**Any change, any loss, does not make us victims. Others can shake you, surprise you, disappoint you, but they can't prevent you from acting, from taking the situation you're presented with and moving on. No matter where you are in life, no matter what your situation, you can always do something. You always have a choice and the choice can be power.**

**- Blaine Lee**

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**(Sent Saturday, 11:09 AM)**

**From**: HarHarHaruno

**To**: InoGoddess

**Subject:** I'll kill you! I'll KILL YOU!

How the fuck did that happen?? I'm really sorry. You know what I should do? Hightail it back to Konoha with my tail between my legs because

**One**; You have to admit that pink hair must be a turnoff for the judges.

**Two**; okay, so I LIED.

When they asked me to complete the form I wrote something like:

Experience: Three years off the bat, baby!

Interests: Anything, basically! I've done it all from skiing to rock climbing (I don't know what a harness is). Tennis, volleyball, violin, cello, flute, piano (what's a C major scale? What note does it end with?)

**Three**; This had better be a joke. I'm going to purposely lose. You know I can't do this. THIS HAD BETTER BE A JOKE, INO-PIG!!!!

...but the crap contest is actually starting. I can't believe this.

-Sends a cup of hot moca coffee - I'm so sorry. I'll hurry up and lose! (Not really...am I bipolar or what? 'Cause that whole thing (despite your whole fatal sickness thing) makes me want to _rip_ your _guts_ out. You know what, Ino? I'm going to try my best and you watch by the sidelines as I win the cruise! (Damn you, but oh well.))

Get well soon!!!

--

**I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?  
- Jean Kerr**

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**(Sent Saturday, 11:37 AM)**

**From**: Sandaime3

**To**: LaDyJackpot

**Subject:** Participants

Below is an attached list of the Modeling Contests' Participants, as well as their recommenders. --

**Sunagakure** : Recommender : Morino Ibiki

Participants : Gaara Sabaku, Temari Sabaku, Kankurou Sabaku, Yatsura Momiya, Akira Taku, Aiko Suzuki, Kanagawa Watanabe, Fokui Yoshida

**Konohagakure** :

North Konohagakure : Recommender : Tsunade Godaime

Participants: Ino Yamanaka, Sakura Haruno

East Konohagakure : Recommender : Maito Gai

Participants: TenTen Suki, Rock Lee

South Konohagakure : Kurenai Yuuhi

Participants : Kiba Inuzuka, Naruto Uzumaki

West Konoha : Asumo Sarutobi

Participants: Shikamaru Nara, Chouji Akimichi, Neji Hyuuga

--

Just a reminder; the contest starts at 12:30 PM. Thank you all for attending!

* * *

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**(Sent Saturday, 12:11 AM)**

**From**: TimorousLavender

**To**: HarHarHaruno

**Subject:** Your mojo

::::::Ah the curtains are dimming! Remember that I'm always with you (like an angel, haha) so don't be nervous!

::::::P.S: Did you know my name means Sun-Sun? Haha; laugh! It helps on the nerves. (But it wasn't that funny... o.O)

**It's always the quiet ones.**

--

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**(Sent Saturday, 12:24 AM)**

**From**: HarHarHaruno

**To**: TimorousLavender

**Subject:** AGH!! NERVOUS!

I know you're somewhere in the audience! - ACK! Lotsa peole are - but eeeeee I'm so nervous!!

I don't have practice at modeling. Like, at all.

There goes the curtain.

OMFG. Haha.

**.Sakura Haruno.**

**.Will.**

I will give all my property to my best friends Ino Yamanaka and Hinata Hyuuga - including the stuffed bear plushy under my bed that has, like, befriended the other five hundred critters under there - dust bunnies, but never mind - the computer I got last Christmas (it works like a charm when I kick it), the brand-spanking-new cell phone that I am currently holding right now, my second best barrette clip, the hunk of chocolate I managed to salveage from second grade...

(Did I mention I'm trying to be in the Guiness Book of World Records for Oldest Known Chocolate Keeper?)

But the people who actually do Guiness Book of World Records are folks that spend all their time perfecting something small and insignificant, so whatever.

- Also, specifically for my cooking teacher, the pasta I made last night - it's in the fridge, by the way, second shelf in the way back. I made it myself! Of course the sauce is gross, with bits of the animal that I chased around the kitchen and finally managed to kill. Jk.

- It's for her, because in her class I learned what a spoon was. Oh, and a spork.

Conversation goes like this:

Teacher: I need a wooden spoon; Sakura, get me a wooden spoon.

Me: Um, okay? - searches in top drawer - It's not here, but this looks like a wooden spoon...

Teacher: Sakura, that's an ice cream scooper.

So I devote all my life's cooking to her. Though like, you know, I learned nada about COOKING. She should rename the class to Worksheets.

Anything else I forgot - no I didn't forget the cruise that's the prize of the contest - If I MANAGE to WIN which has a VERY LOW POSSIBILITY, then yes, I do give that cruise to my friends.

But _noooo_.

Because I'm going to die right here and now. I just _know_ it.

Oh, crap - _there goes the curtain_ -

"SAKURA?!" ME? Go FIRST?

Uh. By

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**---**

**Thanks so much for the reviews!! And favs, etc. Maybe I'll even reply to one of them. Lol - I'm so busy...**

**Well, the Rock Lee-Blonde bit was made by yours truly, at least, 95 percent of it. I know it's cliche, and a chain letter and most likely received already by most of you readers, but I thought it would be interesting...**

**So basically Hinata and Shino are the only ones not participating. How did Chouji get in a modeling contest, you ask? Well...uh... **

**Also! TenTen doesn't knnow Neji yet, and Sakura doesn't know Sasuke. THAT leaves a lot of plot to cover, ne?**

**S'ilvous plait? Review :)**


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